Hilarious Sayings You’ll Only Hear in Vermont

Vermont has a unique brand of humor and a collection of sayings and idioms that capture its rural charm, dry wit, and local flavor. Here are some of the funniest and most distinctive Vermont sayings and expressions:

Classic Vermont Sayings & Idioms

“Jeezum Crow!”
A classic Vermont exclamation of surprise or frustration. Locals swear by it, and outsiders are often left scratching their heads.
“Hard tellin’, not knowin’.”
Used when someone doesn’t know the answer and isn’t about to guess.
“Ayut.”
A quick, clipped affirmation, similar to “yup” or “yep,” often delivered with a straight face.
“Pritneer.”
Short for “pretty near,” as in, “I was pritneer home when my tire blew”.
“You can’t get there from here.”
A favorite, especially when giving directions in Vermont’s winding backroads. Best delivered in a slow, deadpan tone.
“Not bad, ‘an you?”
The standard response to “How are you?” in many Vermont counties, especially among farmers.
“Got done.”
When someone retires or leaves a job, Vermonters say they “got done” rather than “quit” or “retired”.
“Creemee.”
What Vermonters call soft-serve ice cream. Ask for this out of state and expect some confused looks.
“Door yard.”
Refers to the space outside the door, typically the yard or driveway area.
“Flatlander.”
A term for anyone not from Vermont, especially those from more urban or southern areas.
“Good’nyoo?”
A quick, clipped way to say “Good, and you?” in response to “How are you?”.

Vermont Humor & Local Jokes

“Have you lived here your whole life?”
Local’s reply: “Not yet…”.
“Colder n’ a witch’s tit.”
Used to describe Vermont’s famously frigid winters.
“As the crow flies.”
Refers to the most direct route, often used when discussing Vermont’s winding roads.
“Shit kickers.”
What Vermonters call work boots.
“He’s a lousy worker—disappears when it gets hard. He’s a real ole foreskin.”
A colorful insult, meaning someone who gives up when the going gets tough.

Witty Vermont One-Liners & Jokes

“A year in Vermont is nine months of winter followed by three months of very poor sledding.”
“How many Vermonters does it take to change a light bulb?”
“Three: one to change it and two to talk about how much better the old one was.”
“You only own three spices—salt, pepper, and ketchup.”
“You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.”
“The seasons in Vermont: Almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.”
“Why wasn’t Jesus born in Milton? Because they couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.”
“What’s the best thing to come out of Rutland? Route 7.”
“It’s pronounced Mil’n, not Mil-TON!”

Cheesy Vermont Puns

“I’m gouda at making friends in Vermont!”
“You cheddar believe Vermont is the best place for cheese lovers!”
“Life is gouda when you’re surrounded by Vermont cheese.

Local Wisdom

“Don’t you dare tell a Vermonter that Champ, the lake monster of Lake Champlain, doesn’t exist.”

Vermont’s sayings are a mix of dry humor, local pride, and practical wisdom. Whether it’s a sarcastic quip, a unique idiom, or a pun about cheese and snow, these expressions capture the heart—and the humor—of the Green Mountain State.

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